


A way out of this labyrinth

by They_call_me_Gabriel



Category: Looking for Alaska - John Green
Genre: Depression, F/M, Suicidal Thoughts, i did this for a book report actually oops, not in order with the book
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2014-12-08
Packaged: 2018-02-28 14:39:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2736302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/They_call_me_Gabriel/pseuds/They_call_me_Gabriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My name is Alaska Young I attend Culver Creek and I have fallen in love with a boy who memorizes the last words of famous people. I am searching for a way out of this labyrinth of suffering. Whether this labyrinth is life or death I do not know, but I will escape it. Miles has become my way to fill this void of mine. He makes me crave oblivion a little bit less. The only way out of this labyrinth is to forgive. I don’t think I can ever forgive myself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A way out of this labyrinth

Three days before  
My name is Alaska Young I attend Culver Creek and I have fallen in love with a boy who memorizes the last words of famous people. I am searching for a way out of this labyrinth of suffering. Whether this labyrinth is life or death I do not know, but I will escape it. Miles has become my way to fill this void of mine. He makes me crave oblivion a little bit less. The only way out of this labyrinth is to forgive. I don’t think I can ever forgive myself.

Two days before  
Takumi and Chip, my friends from the year before came along with Miles and I to the barn in the woods where we smoke. Miles looked at me and asked why I smoked cigarettes so fast. My only response was “you all smoke to enjoy it, I smoke to die.” The night went on and we smoked and drank the cheap alcohol Chip had brought. With nothing else to talk about we ended up telling our life stories. I told them about my mother’s death and how it was my fault. Miles looked at me again. This time with a sad smile on his face and said “when thinking about life, remember this; no amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future.” Everyone else kept smoking and drinking throughout the night, but I sat there thinking about how right he was and how wrong that made me. 

The day before  
Miles and I didn't have any classes that day so we decided to watch movies in the small “living room” of the dorm building. The room only had an old couch and an even older TV that was playing some Christmas movie, but that was all we needed. We watched some random movie that was playing on a channel and we sat there together. I didn't pay much attention to the movie. I laid there with my head in his lap thinking to myself about how much I loved this, calm, peaceful moments between two people. Not sexual or anything like that, just laying together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. I wanted to tell him that I loved him as much as he obviously loved me, but I couldn't. I had a boyfriend and I was so sad, that the word sad just couldn't describe me anymore. So I laid there thinking if people were rain he was a drizzle and I was a hurricane. 

The day of  
Lately I've been pretending that everything is okay and that everything around me hasn't collapsed. But this morning I woke up and I realized that I was the one who collapsed. I hated this. I hated myself. It seemed like everything was going wrong all at once and I was terrified. This was it the day I would escape my labyrinth. All of these things I was afraid of and I never, not once, realized that I should have been more scared of losing him. But no, that day I was selfish. I didn't think about Miles, Chip, or Takumi. Not even my boyfriend. All that mattered was that I was going to escape.

The day after  
My name is Miles Halter I am the boy who memorizes the last words of famous people. I was searching for my “great perhaps” but I found Alaska instead. She became my “great perhaps” and my “labyrinth” at the same time. I wanted her to show me every twisted thought she ever had, to make me forget mortality and oblivion like everyone one else around us. I don’t know how long I sat there in silence for but I felt my heart beating in my ears. “Alaska Young is dead” is the only thing that goes through my head anymore, but that’s okay. Nothing is infinite not even loss.


End file.
